Spring officially arrived a week ago. Daffodils are bravely raising their heads - those that survived the late winter freeze. The finches are twittering away in mating and house hunting mode.
And taxes are upon us.
I was surprised at how energizing and cleansing my tax process was this year. Also how sobering and a cause for rejoicing. Sobering as I got to see what the last three months - six months, maybe, the last year - have meant in terms of my mind’s capacity to organize and stay ahead of paper. A cause for rejoicing because I could see it and deal with it.
I finished the process last night after an intensive day and a half of sorting, searching, assembling, and happily, recycling. And I felt good. It took me a while to recognize that the persistent good feeling I was having was joy. And another while to realize what had been missing from my entire two day process of organizing and clearing out.
Aversion. There had been no aversion.
Well, almost. Just one brief incidence of stomach tightening which I noted. But then, it disappeared and didn’t return. I just went from one task to another. And tedious as they might seem, I didn’t find them tedious. I just recognized the the next step in a logical progression of steps and did it.
I am reminded this morning of the story of the two arrows. I have shared that story here. A person is shot by an arrow and feels the pain of the arrow. Then she begins to worry about who shot it, will he survive, what was the arrow made of, how long will it take to recover, and most importantly, what does she have to do to prevent getting shot by an arrow again - ever! That is the second arrow. That is the suffering of aversion. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
Taxes are the first arrow. You remember, death and taxes? But there was no second arrow for me. No worry, no frustration, no overwhelm, not even a sense of regret or of personal criticism for having let things slide. When I found a file missing, a bill unpaid, an accumulation of receipts, I just found the file, paid the bill, sorted the receipts. And when I saw how I could have organized things better, I remembered how I already had made things easier this year over last and just resolved to extend those methods into the coming year.
Joy was present. Without aversion, I could do my taxes with joy. And that in itself was another source of joy. Joy and wisdom beget joy and wisdom.
Just a quick reminder: According to the Buddha and our experience bears this out, we have an immediate conditioned response to every experience that arises - pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Pleasant when we smell bread. Unpleasant when we hear a jack hammer perhaps. Neutral when we notice our breath or pass through a doorway. The Buddha called them vedana or feeling tones. And each of these feelings tones leads on toward wanting or grasping if pleasant, not wanting or aversion if unpleasant, and delusion if neutral. The suffering is the clinging of wanting, the avoidance and pushing away of not wanting, and the delusion of thinking that either of these will make us happy.
Can we learn to see the subtle aversion that may pervade our lives? Not wanting to do taxes is just one example. What are some of the things that cause the suffering of aversion? That block joy just as surely as clouds block the sun?
Spring is here. The sun is shining after rain has watered the ground. And hope is present…the stirring of new life…the cycle coming round again….
And the opportunity for joy is always present.